Have been in a very very dark place, a black hole, these last few days, and really for no reason. Nothing is right. I hate everyone and everything. I can't think. I can't concentrate. I don't want to socialize. I don't want to even talk. I'm 'this close' to having a meltdown, and have been really struggling to hold back a flood of tears this week. I think my depression has returned with a vengeance. It doesn't help that I am somewhat menopausal on top of it, so my hormones may be spinning me out of control. And I'm completely out of meds.
I'm a very obsessive person. What I like can easily tip over into an obsession. I've learned that usually it's just a phase, and is like a flare: it burns very hot, very fast, very intensely, then fizzles out in a short time, usually because I've become bored with it. So right now I only want to curl up in bed forever and make the world go away.
Why does just "life-ing" have to be so hard?
On top of that, I just got a notice from my apartment manager that says they're raising my rent by over $100 a month next lease. I can't afford to move to a cheaper place, or to move, period. Moving takes money, which I don't have. Plus my home computer is dying and I need a new one.
Why does just "life-ing" have to be so hard?
